Whispers of Yesterday

So yeah... this week has been rather... well... hectic.

Monday... Drew (whom most of you know is the love of my life) came to me un-expectingly. Seeing him pop into my room on WH.. shocked, dismayed, and thrilled me. I couldn't believe that he'd came into the room... I kinda half expected him to leave. Perhaps mistakingly clicking on the room name or something since I know his mouse touch-pad on his laptop likes to give him fits from time to time. Then he whispers me... asking if he could talk to me in private. Well.. okay. So I ask everyone to leave. Even have to chase a couple people out cause they weren't there anyway. Paul (Connie) and Leigh (GoldenHeart/Slinky) were in the room with me when he showed up... Paul, as most of you well know, was the guy that I was 'interested' in. A few of you know the tell there and that was a load of bullshit that I would rather forget... but anyway! Leigh is a very dear friend of mine to whom I have gotten close to lately. Paul, of course, seems to be rather skeptical about Drew's sudden appearance, while Leigh is just telling me that if he says anything to hurt me.. Lol! She's a real gem. At any rate... Drew and I talk for about 2-3 hours that night, 30 minutes of that time spent on the phone. In this time period, we talk about how each other feel and what not... He even asks me that... if he came down that weekend, if I wanted to see him or if I would rather him stay away. I jump to the chance to see him. Going over seas this up coming Sunday. Last chance to see him before he leaves. Hell yes! Through all this, I am keeping Paul updated on what all is going on and such. I had already told Paul, long before Drew showed up, that I still loved Drew and there wasn't anything that was gonna change that. I, honestly, never expected Drew to come to me. I seriously thought that it was over between us. Granted... Drew had said some hurtful things and I will not give him excuses. He didn't even offer me any as most guys would. Monday... He told me he was sorry, that there wasn't enough words to decsribe how sorry he was. He has been a jackass and he knew it. Even went as far as to claim that he believed he didn't deserve the amount of love and devotion that I give him. No excuses. Not even a hint of an excuse. He had even said that he thought I'd hate him... but, even with the fear of being turned away... he came to me. Fearful, scared... mostly because he's being shipped over soon... but he needed me and came to me with only the hope that I wouldn't turn my back on him.

We talked again Tuesday.  This time for about 5 hours, couple hours of that time spent on the phone. Laughing and joying... nothing had changed. We still had that connection that was only ours. I think a couple of my friends had started to notice the change in my attitude around this time, Paul certainly had. For around this time... Paul had started to show his 'true colors'. Watching my every move, as it were. He noticed that I had taken him off my MySpace page... That I had done mainly because I thought it was best. Seeming as I had no idea what the outcome would be. However, I had left him in my sniff... and he noticed. How do I know? He asked me why I still had him in my sniff. At any rate... I understand why he was acting, for the most part, the way he was. I realize that the way I act toward Drew, whether I am with him or not, is very affectionate, loving, and attentive. I know this. What do you expect when you love someone so damn much that it's like cutting off air when you're not with them.

Wensday was the major change, I suppose. I explained everything to Paul flat out. Told him that I love Drew. He's the heart that beats in my chest. The breath in my lungs. The man means everything to me... Paul tried to get me to wait till after I physically met him before I made my choice. As if that would matter some how. Like that'd make my emotions for Drew lessen or something. Took me several moments to get him to realize that, that had NOTHING to do with it. I had moved in with a guy.. and I still came running back to Drew. I love Drew! End of story. That was first thing to irk me about Paul. Drew and I also talked on this day as well... talking mainly on the phone. This was when Drew and I offically got back together. It was rather cute, actually. xD Drew had been talking to buddy there on base and he had made the comment that he was 'talking to his girl'... so after he was done talking to Smith. I ask him if I was his girl, all playfully and shit. Hehe! Well... he took me around the dance floor a few times by avoiding answering the question till I asked directly again. He said 'Yeah. You are.' The way he said it... homg! I could have died! There was such a longing to it... such a 'Thank you for loving me" kinda deal... it was so amazing how just that little statement made me feel. However, to double check, I asked... again in a playful manner... if that meant were we dating again. He answered with a 'Yeah.. guess so.' This was one little detail that I didn't tell Paul right away. Yes, yes! Bad me.. >.> However, I didn't want to say anything cause Drew and I still had much to talk to when he got here that weekend and there was a chance (however slime) that we may have decided that we were better off as friends.

Thursday... This was around about the time that I began to really notice that Paul was actually watching my sniff (WH). That is just... one of my pet-peeves. Don't go watching over my shoulder like I'm doing something wrong! Neil use to do that shit... watch me. Monitor me. Pisses me off. So! Being the Major. Bitch that I am. -salute- I put something about being with Drew in my sniff. Just to see what Paul would do. Shame on me, again. Yes, yes. Paul does EXACTLY what I thought he'd do. Which is a bad thing... One: He sends me a message on my MySpace saying something like... 'Glad you made you choice.' -.- I had already told him that I was gonna wait till after this weekend. So instead of talking to me about it... he does that. Which, okay, I can understand. Wensday and Thursday were rather busy days for me. I wasn't on much... or rather, I was on but not anywhere near the comp. So I didn't talk to Paul much. Blake comes to me, my niece.. telling me these stories of Paul hitting up on her MAJORLY! Saying shit like.. 'What postions you like?' 'If we get together and meet we can do whatever postions you want.' 'You make me horny.' 'Stop teasing me.' Well... needless to say, I'm none to please. Espectually since Paul had told me no more then the day before that he would wait for me. He loved me like I loved Drew and blah blah. THAT... That did it in for me right there. Fucking around with MY NIECE? That's no way to get me back... hell no! He had also be hitting up on Leigh, I guess..

Friday, Drew comes home... and the weekend was wonderful. Aside from his mother fucking things up as usual... Things were heavenly. Seriously couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. I think... we have finally flattened out that road bump we kept hitting and it feels so good. So yeah! Lol! This week as been interesting... but has been very rewarding.

HOMG! I finally got pictures of my snake!!! -dances-

He's about 4-5 months old and a ball python. His name's Osiris. Yes!! As in the Egyptian god 'Osiris'. xD Isn't he so CUTE!?!? That's moi babeh! <333 I love him to pieces! o: He'll nuzzle me and everything. Actually... I dunno if he's really a 'he' or not.. but doesn't matter cause I don't plan on breeding him... so yea. :3


Silly thing wrapped around the phone WHILE I was talking on it with David. xD Yea.. o.o I realize that pieces of his 'skin' are coming off.. but he's just coming out of sheding.. so yea.. :x






Giving kisses! :3 I look like shit a dork. xD I was on the phone with Joshie. <3


o.O I always knew reptiles had a thing for me. xD

Isn't my baby just so CUTE and ADOREABLE!? Omg! I love him to pieces! <333333

Okay.. so I did what I needed to this evening. Now it feels like I'm holding my breath to see the outcome. I finally decided that enough was enough and sent him an email. It hurts that everything that I worked so hard to keep together may just fall apart, seeming as it now depends on him. I feel like he doesn't much care about the relationship while he's miles away... and sometimes I think my mother is right and I'm just a warm body for him to hold while on leaves. -shrug- Who knows... I'm not going to pretend like I know him anymore. Know what he's going to do. Oh well... I suppose sense I've been so miserable the last little while, us ending would be the best. Honestly... I haven't felt this alive and at peace with myself in a long time. I've finally come to reason with myself and came to a solid conclusion. Stopped waring with myself about this... and just tossed the ball to him. Now.. -sigh- I'm just waiting to see if he tosses it back to me or just lets it lay. Lol! Hmm... what do y'know... Little Miss. Pyro just might be single very soon.. o.O Wonder how many'll attack me if I do become single. >.> Some of my friends have said that he's a damn fool for letting me slip away.. -shrug- Perhaps he is, but he hasn't learned that lesson, I guess. -sighs- Oh well.. guess some have to learn through hard knocks. Anyway.. I'll keep you guys updated! <3

Oh lord! I'm being such a bad, bad girl tonight... ;.; I'm restless... I think it must be a full moon outside or something.. cause damn! xD Or maybe its cause I haven't been laid in a while.. blah! I dunno. That's never really bothered me before. :x Maybe I'm just restless and horny cause I've finally released that stressful breath I had been holding. Could say I have gotten tired of be a 'good girl' when that's not me at all... YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! xD My beloved friends.. :x You guys know I'm not Little Miss Do-Good. Lately I have been though... for reasons that most all you know.. but hey!! I'm tired of it. I got back into contact with an old friend... he's a wonderful person. I won't name names. All I will say it that he's a goofy, silly over grown lizard to whom I adore. Lol! I stayed away from him for the most part, cause I guess I was a little afraid.... His reputation isn't really one to admire, but the real him is so great. xD Although... I haven't really talked to him in a long time.. like.. about a year or so long time.. o.O I didn't really realize how long it had been... but oh well.. Lmao! I'm talking to him now, so its all good.

Yes. I'm more then just a little irritated about a current soldier. Granted, I love him.. but I'm getting REALLY freaking tired of the way he treats me. I realize he's in the military... and I realize that its sometimes hard to contact others... but damn! When the little fucker can't even send me a simple 'I love you, babe. Sorry I can't talk but I'll try to contact you later.'. What takes all of what... 2 seconds to type out?? Seriously.. and I know he gets on... but that's okay. He wants to play 'tag' and act like I don't exist when he's not right in front of me... we can play that game. As childish and stupid as it is! Why is it... that most guys seem to think that its all right to just set their girl to the side when they don't feel like dealing with the situation or them? Or even the relationship for that matter. No offence to the guys out there that actually know how to treat their women right. Y'know... perhaps that is exactly what I need to get. -.- A man! Instead of playing 'baby sitter' to these... well.. kids. Yea. He's only a year and some odd months younger then me... but we're vastly different when it comes to the age of our minds. I know!! I need a 27 year old! Lmao! Least... I think he's 27... -clucks tongue- I'll have to ask him. >.> At any rate.... I just felt like ranting a little... and some of you might not understand where I'm coming from... but one: He's still in the states. Two: He has time to keep in contact with others... I bet you anything that he's playing away on R.O.S.E Online and has completely forgotten that he even has a girlfriend till he happens to actually get on MySpace or something. Which I deleted mine... -shrug- I've no real use for it besides sending him comments. However! I'm tired of carrying this relationship on my own, so he either needs to step up or I'm stepping out.... I've already got my foot out the door. xD Which is why I don't mind flirting with anyone now. -sigh- Granted, I do feel bad if I stop to think about it... but once I look back over the year and a half that he's pushed me aside for one reason or another... the pain over rides the guilt and the will to protect the little pieces of my heart that I have left goes into over drive. I'm a loving, caring, devoted, understanding, loyal girl... Don't I deserve to be treated like I'm something to someone!? And I've fought for this till I couldn't anymore. Yea... I'm strong. All you know I am... I've proven that time and time again... Fighting off the demons of my past, having the will to still be able to smile even when I feel so bad... Some of you have gotten worried about me because of the depressive spells I have been going through the last few days... Hell! Last few weeks actually. I'm sorry that I've worried you... I really am. <333 I try to stay strong cause I know what is that I need to be... but its starting to get to me and I can't keep fighting for and nourishing this alone and he doesn't seem to be all that eager to stand up to the plate. So for the last good while now, actually, through most of the relationship... I have been swinging at balls without a bat and my body is now bruised. My heart aches and I would give anything to just have someone to hold me. Thing is.. if it doesn't work out with him and I... and it does all come crashing down. It will be final... and the next guy is going to have to work hard to get me. I'm never again to to tax myself on a lost cause. It'll either be 50-50 or none at all! Those of you that know from start till know about mine and his relationship are probably hoping, in some small part of your mind, that we will end. What is meant to be, will be... and I strongly believe that. Least I will have a better appreciation for a good guy, now. Blah!

Moving on! ........

I realized today, while talking to one of my friends.. Shazz.<3 That I have a 'fantasy', as it were... Least that is what I like to refer to him as anymore...  That I seem to run to when things are at their worse cause I know he can build me back up.. and he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Actually... I didn't even realize he was doing it till I really started to think about it tonight. He wonderful, has always been wonderful... He's always treated me like I was the sweetest piece of candy imaginable and he's a little boy who hasn't had something sweet in a very long time. Lol! Kinda of an ironic way to put it, but oh well... He treats me like heaven and he'd just spend years in hell. Whether he actually feels that way about me or not... I don't really know. He's told me before that he really cares a lot about me, I think he even said the word 'love'... but silly, childish me... Believed the rumors flying around about him and it scared me. See... I don't like to share and a lot of girls want him. I don't know if he'd ever cheat, honestly, I don't think he could... but I'm a simple girl and when I see the types of girls that flock around him. That he's dated... I feel so small and pathetic. These girls are gorgeous! Simply gorgeous and he's a dream. A voice of a fallen angel set on earth to torment silly little girls like me.. Lol! Actually... he likes to call me his 'little girl'.. but that doesn't bother me. I don't really feel as if I have to prove myself to him.. but then again I do. Its kinda hard to explain. Half the time, I don't know how I really feel about that blasted man. Hell! I don't even know how he feels about me, to be honest. I know what he use to say... but I dunno about now.

Anyway.. uh.. umm... I think I gave away a lot in this entry... o.O Damn me and my tiredness! Not to mention that I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN ONE OF THESE STUPID THINGS! :x When I have room to write... I really write.. and things come out that probably shouldn't... but that's okay, I guess. Joo are all my friends and I LUFFS JOO ALL! <333333

As I said.. I'm a furry... so I have a fursona... here's a bit about her. Which is actually... about me. xD Cause she is me in fur. :x

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True Name: Unknown
Alias: PyroHeat
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Species: Vixen/Feline hybrid with a splash of dragon bloodline (A Vixlineon)
Sexuality: Straight, though may get a spur in her fur and decide to play with a fellow female.
Element: Fire

Height: 5’6
Weight: About 135 pounds of lean muscle
Eyes: Bright blue, feline looking
Hair: Deep, dark blue-purple.
Fur Color: Deep red
Marking Color: Smoke gray
Jewelry: Gold

~Basic Color Codes~

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Large ears (with a little tuff at the end), like a fennec, with four small-hoop earrings in each ear. Two piercing in her left eyebrow (one hoop and one bar). Her muzzle is a nearly even mix between a fox and feline, with a feline nose/nostrils. She has a nearly foot long serpent-like tongue with a piercing through it. A single horn from her forehead that curves back with a jewel hanging from it (emerald). Her hair is cut short with wild bangs. Her body is the slender build of the fox, with long powerful legs and the larger ‘hind’ paws of a big cat. She has four fingers instead of the usual five. Actually, technically three fingers and a thumb but eh. :x She has retractable claws like a feline. Her tail is a fluffier version of a snow leopard’s and rather long. (Once I get good pictures of her, I’ll update this with’em.)

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Her 'true name' is only known to her and she will only reveal it to the one she sees as her intended. The one she wished to spend her life.

Vixlineon is a word thrown together that means she's a Vixen/Feline hybrid with a splash of dragon in her bloodline.

May add more later......

The name's Meranda "PyroHeat" Lambert. Those of you that all ready know me from chats, IMVU, so on and so forth... should already know most things about me. However... for those of you who don't, here are some tid-bits for you to munch on. :3

I'm a 'furry', for starters. Those that have any snide remarks about that need to just keep their mouths shut. You don't HAVE to like furrs.. but that doesn't mean we have to listen to your bullshit complaining. Get a life! I'm a strong believer in 'To each their own'. Now... to my fellows furrs... I am a 'Vixlineon'. Just a silly little name I came up with cause Pyro is a vixen/feline hybrid with a splash of dragon in her bloodline. I don't have any pictures of her, well.. I do.. but they're not very good cause they make her look full vixen. :x Anyway! I plan to do a rather detailed 'profile' of her so everyone knows what she looks like and stuff. On ward on more about the real me. xD As you may be able to notice, I'm kind of a goof. I love to play around and enjoy myself. I'm relatively easy to get along with and talk to. While I do have a temper, it tends to only surface when someone provokes me. Sometimes, I don't think things completely through and end up showing my ass, that's okay. Lol! Just give me a swat and remind me that I need to start thinking again, it's all good. :3

My hobbies include:
Reading.. mainly romance novels. I love hot steamy books! >x3 I do, however, also enjoy fantasy books... such as the Xanth novels by Piers Anthony. Those books are the shit! I favor 'Demons Don't Dream' most, I think. I also love the Carpathian(sp?) series by Christine Feehan. Espectually the 'Dark Guardian' book. -hearts- Anyway! I also enjoy reading manga. I have a manga I'm reading currently called 'Sensual Phrase'.. so sexy! xD
Writing... poems are my main focus. I love to write poetry! Might call me an 'Emotional Poet' cause all my poems are based of some emotion that I or someone else has. Yes. :x I can and have written poems for other people. I do write short stories now and then, but not too often. I have to really be in the mood to write a story.
Listening to music... I LOVE to listen to music! Might say that I'm addicted.. xD You can usually find me listening to something. I like to listen to oldies... 80s, 90s.. even some 70s. I love pretty much all forms of rock. Well... pretty much. I can listen to anything besides rap (though I do listen to Eminem now and then) and opera (if you can even call that music. o.O). The only kind of country that I don't really like is the whiny 'Someone done someone wrong' songs. Well... not only country.. in any form of music. Life is hurtful and depressing enough... xD Why would I wanna listen to songs that advertise it?
I also love doing outdoorzy kinda things. Like hiking, biking, camping, fishing, and so on. Role playing is also another favored pass time of mine. There is a lot more that I like to do... but eh! :3 I don't feel like listing them all. xD

Well... hm! I think that's about it, I suppose. If there is anything else you'd like to know about me. Feel free to ask me. Lol! I don't bite... hard.. ;P

For those of you who may ask me what I look like... Here: